buried

i won't sing you a serenade not because i don't want to on the contrary, my moon, i'm dying to convey to you how you complete my everyday how your simple smile makes  my complex concerns seem light how a glimpse of your fluttering hair  is enough to push me forward    when my knees feel faltering how just a trace of your chuckle  brings the warmest moonlight    to this cold, dark abode    in which i pass long winter nights no, i can't sing you a serenade __wisdom tells me my earthly arias must not fall upon your ears this unwanted drivel stays buried _not reaching your thousand skies _as a lone wolf howls blood at night so too shall i sing out of sight

momentary muse

trudging through my daily routine while walking home, i, on a whim, made a right on a foreign street and with a jolt, i stopped my feet as i almost bumped into you amongst the ash trees' grey shadow you sparkled in sunrays' warm glow i could hear this sweet melody twirling above monotony   in this moment i shared with you my heartbeat pulsed like marching drums my breathing echoed murmured hums as time crawled like a traffic jam as if held taut by fate's madame   with captive nod, i drowned in you you gave a smile, excused yourself in a honeyed voice full of health i must've looked funny and lame as i prolly stuttered the same   absorbed by this concept of you the glint from your cinnamon eyes pleasantly caught me by surprise as you chuckled and moved aside your long black hair trailing in stride   a lotus scent lingered from you i stood stuck in awe at that space for quite some time as my heart raced to figure out what just took place i turned around to catch your trace   but only found a vanished you

hey mom

hey mom, i wonder where you're singing right now? it's been four years since your wearied voice last graced my ears, telling me you're tired - your voice that once was the bright moonlight cruelly reduced to a faint whisper my heart wrenches as i recollect quaint melodies of your lullabies, how your warm tone danced and swayed above rainy evenings' hazy, frigid hums you were loved and embraced by music and never missed a chance to sing, and i loved to be embraced by yours like a blanket as i cry sleeping that's why my heart speaks in melody - my treasured rhythmic bequest from you. the night sky sparkles, feting your name, gently beckons to pass this gift on and so i pray wherever you are, your calm singing voice reverberates as do yours here across the valleys, the oceans, the mountains, the forests - every place i have sung in your name

hey mom, from the youngest of us came a girl she bears your name and she wears your smile the youngest of three, same with us three i'm sure she would've been your sunlight as did your two spunky grandchildren just a year old, her laughs infectious brightening the home that misses you hey mom, the younger of us is getting wed to a tall and charming young fellow who would've had your sure approval she looks happy and comfy with him as they start to build their family and i'm sure he would take care of her and she would take care of him in turn hey mom, the oldest of us is still alone stumbled a lot but has recently  just found his footing so don't worry he is still keeping your dying wish and has not forgotten it a bit the path he's taking is quite rocky but i'm sure it will all turn out fine

summer inception

i woke up with a tinge of regret my left eye sprung a thin rivulet but what i dreamt, i never could get to hold its form before it reset i've lost my dreams for seven years straight and left my morns an empty estate a void with none of pigment nor shade no sound nor scent; just drifting and grayed but once a while, the feelings remain as i wake up; though i try in vain to grasp its rhyme or reason, again, it melts away, dissolved by the rain o how i wish that i knew for whom my grieving heart does whisper in tune i'm left with hollow outbursts and gloom confused and cold i come first of June

stinging nettles (or how i stopped being afraid of falling in love again)

i used to be scared of getting near and stung by these nettles growing here my first brush with them, unsettled fear, abused me with scars, upsetting smear the pain took a while before it fled and i couldn't sleep; was tormented it felt like my hands were scorching red and stomped by a furious thoroughbred the stings were relentless, throbbing shrieks as i drowned in freezing sweaty streaks my vision was ghostly white and bleak my hearing awash in high-pitched creaks i woke up alive and traumatized with lingering pain and bloodshot eyes this core memory forever lies engraved in my soul; a lesson wise but now i'm more sick of being scared and tired of this ghost that's haunting bare these nettles are healthy, tasty fare i'll miss out on life if i don't dare and if hurt befalls upon me still and i be in bed and deathly ill please know that i chose from my own will  i'd rather her touch, pricked by her quills  than shiver alone in bitter chills

picnic

i watched her have her picnic alone beneath the verdant birches of spring and marveled at her grace and her form while making her embroidery sing her sundress, white with cute floral prints the snowdrops and the ivies blend in she wove her thread with purposeful swing her eyes locked in with focus and zing her golden locks did dance with the light and swayed in turn with April wind's breath her needle smoothly glided in flight and guided by her fingers so deft for whom she wove i never could guess she knows me not, and her i know less my only wish is next time she'd thread beside me in our picnic instead

midnight shores

sitting on the wet sand, i stare up at the midnight sky swaying stars sketch out your smile ever-sparkling, somber sight this taunting desire to touch your twisting hair's crests and troughs troubles me fair; truly tough tending this distance b'tween us i want to get to know you more but i'm so far away can't see your face losing your trace amidst the misty shore i wish to lift your deepest woes but i'm so far away counting the days watching these waves crash into the shore sinking on the wet sand, the sea breeze brings a salty scent r'sembling yours' non faulting sweet confident but so discreet this whittling wind swathes me still breathes your warm, distant whispers weathering my steadfast will, my wish to hear you withers i hope to be your sure support but i'm so far away i can't seem to stay these comforting days dissolving in the shore i pray to be part of your lore but we're so far apart i can't reach your heart 'neath half-moon's guard i'm drowning on the shore

second of may

sober i stumble searching for sky light dripping in downpour daubing my dry-eye

clasping my collar, calmly i quiver coursing these cobbles, cursing this quitter wand'ring i wobble warding off whittlers worsening walker; warmth, i go whither

lugging relentless leaving out languish losing reluctance, looking outlandish braving this bendless byroad i'll vanquish brimming abundance blooming avant-wish

first of may

basking in beauty, blessed under blossoms
breeze full-embracing, blissful her bosom
lull into languor, lean by my lonesome
longing, i'm lying listless and loathsome

whistling while watching, wistfully winded
whispers awash in wisdom and wine-breath
clouds overcasting, cloaking their choir head
cloudburst come crashing; clawing in kind dread

drowning in deluge, drunk in disdain, i'm
screaming in silence, slumb'ring and saline

mira

i wish i knew more people with your name
because each time that yours falls in my frame
my scars flare up and stings like winter rain
its peaceful meaning held lost in my fane

so if i knew more people with your name
this solitary link will split in twain
these memories replaced; none will remain
and someday i will grow to numb this pain

and so i'll know more people with your name
to bring this peace into my heart again

wala na

 

wala na
mukha mo ngayo'y di nakikita
maski ang 'yong buhok na kumakaway
mistulang anino sa buwan
na 'di ko na nais maaninag

wala na
tinig mo ngayo'y di naaalala
himig ng iyong paghinga'y
katahimikang maingay
ang saki'y di na pilit sinasabay

wala na
yakap mo ngayo'y di nadarama
ang iyong halik na dati'y nagbabaga
ngayon ay abong tinatangay
ng ulang tapos nang maghinagpis

ang dating halimuyak na dumadampi
ngayon ay wala na -
  wala na sa paggising
ang dating matamis na naging mapait
ngayon ay wala na -
  wala na sa aking labi
'di na maibabalik dahil wala na sa panaginip
tuyo na ang waig; bakas mo'y nadaig
tuluyan nang nakasara
ang bukas nating dalawa

paalam

2pc

Cold; I've been walking underwater

Should've drowned though I am

hazed; With heavy hands, heaving heart

The sand sinking between my toes

I haven't been looking forward at all

Stuck watching scenes play out behind

The sun blinds me ahead

I could only face towards the shade

You've been engraved on me

but I don't wish to dwell any longer

It would be simpler if I forget

but I don't mind the complex

They say time heals all things

I say it's about time

I rise to warmer waters

Hold my head up high and breathe

We'd been apart for so long

I won't ask you to stay anymore

The sun is brighter up front

Thanks, and so long

 

An 11-year old draft I revised just recently

Was I ever loved by the rain?
She traps trapped me in countless bus stops surrounded by concrete
yet she paints painted my rice fields with a tint of gold
But was I ever her muse as well, or am was I just a happy coincidence?

She comes and goes came and went as she pleases pleased
and I can could never stop her from leaving
as much as I would've wanted to
for I know it's knew it was in her nature to roam the skies and embrace the sun
and bring rainbows to the lands she reaches

Yet I still love her
I still long for her whenever she's gone
and I still wish for her cold embrace - the countless raindrops falling
to keep me still for the night

But now the clouds have cleared

with the rain long gone

The sun brightly blinding

a warm embrace throughout the day

Was I ever loved by the rain?
I chuckled at the thought -
What a stupid thing to ask.

sorbetes

am i allowed to want

 to feel

  to long for

these fleeting cute moments

that make my heart spasm

knowing full well i can't

 fulfill

  truly for

the time with you i spent

can't bridge this large chasm

between us; to know you

 better

  is my wish

that i pray for each night

but my guilt weighs steadfast

though these feelings are true

 "hold her"

  my selfish

self i can't bring to light

can't bear losing your trust

i've chosen to walk here

 lightyears

  away from

being able to give

to laugh, to see, to touch

screaming thirst, i can't hear

 these fears

  burdensome

so with that i must live

without asking for much